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Ok - girly - it is ON! A letter to Eve.
Dear Eve,
You are of his bone, flesh of his flesh. He gave you a name - E-V-E. He was smart, he had his own ideas - he had free reign over the Earth - in fact he named some of the animals. He didnt have to work hard and sweat like a pig - there was no reason to. He could look at you day and night and and not worry about you telling him - "No - not in the mood dude." He didnt even care if you were fat or skinny - it was all the same to him. Yall didnt have to worry about clothing - hey, you never even had to ask if you were naked or not - ya just didnt know for sure. He loved you, you loved him - you frolicked in your garden of love, peacefully living out your lives with the revelry that many married couples wish they could find.
Then.......one day he left you alone just for a second........and guess who shows up? That's right. Your distraction, your demise, your downfall, your total catastrophe, the slithering sloth of separation. He comes touting food in front of your face and you just like a semi-chunky girl on weight watchers fighting her love for hostess cupcakes decides - hey - an apple couldnt be all THAT bad.......could it??? And you even go so far as to taste it's forbidden flesh!
*lightning bolts and thunder follows*
You trot off to find him - yeah let's see if he wants some - then I wont feel so guilty
Eve - *thinks to self -what's guilt?*
And there he his - so happy to see you and then you wave that fruit in front of his face and like a knat to a light source he cannot resist himself and takes a bite out of my peaceful life and swallows my joy. Guess what is regurgitated - Aunt Flo and Ms. Swo Lyn Youterus (she <----is not of Asian descent I guarentee!)
How could you Eve?? GRRRRR - I could do bodily harm to you right now if you knew the pain I was in. Now I see why those ladies that have like 15 children, keep having kids - so they wont have to see Aunt Flo! GRRRRRR. GRRRRR. G R R R R R R R R R R R.
Does anyone want a baby? I am feeling sooo surrogate right now......
Que?? Queeeeee? ¡No tiene que ser como esto!!!!
Hauls off and chunks a shiny Macintosh at Eve............Thwunk! - dang missed it by that much!
*45 minutes later*
Yaaawwn - wow. Thanks Motrin. So wsup? Whaddi (prounounced wuhd-eye) miss???
9 comments:
Hilarious! I love it. Apparently, Eve didn't understand about consequences!
Hahaha!! Oh, Eve.
I am SO right there with you. Wait til you hit The Change. And Aunt Flo come, stays a week, leaves, changes her mind and comes back for another day or two, then leaves and doesn't come back again until a year later -- when you're in that romantic hotel on the beach. Mmm hmm.
Loved this!
Ha. Eve. But you know? Actually I blame Adam for it all - if he hadn't been all I have dominion over all the beasts - if he'd been willing to share the power, just a bit...then maybe none of it would happen, and this wild craving I am having for anything with sugar in it wouldn't be happening.
I agree with you. I blame everything on Eve. Truly I do. LOL.
Cheeky lil' tale this one. Love it ;)
@Sweaty, Manahattanmama, Lori, Alison and Recovering Supermom - I dont think I would be so harsh on Eve if my PMS symptoms werent so SEVERE! Thank you ladies for leaving a ccomment
bahaha!! This totally cracked me up. Hilarious! Thanks for opening my eyes. Lol, I've been putting the blame in the wrong place for all these years!
Thanks Jenny - see, you have to go to the source! :-P
Damn Aunt Flo! She is such a shitty house guest. Never thought to blame Eve though. Thanks! I love having a new scapegoat.
Here from Love Links.
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