I hate looking for a new job. There's the anxiety. The pressure. The fantasy days - you know those days where you act like you are rich and the thought of going to work is like a haughty joke? I have those often, I even dress up and sit around on the bed all day. I also have lots of bills and a determination to pay them off.Like so many graduates, I no longer find my degree, appealing. I know I am not the only one. I have NEVER worked in my line of study & I really don't have any desire to do so. Thinking about it makes me say, Nooooooooooooooooooo.
I studied what I studied because I had a daughter and needed a money making
degree. So I thought.
Before I graduated I worked as a "secretary". Don't get me wrong, money is money. But I was miserable. And tired. And constantly asking for a raise, you know since I was so much smarted than the dummies who worked there? It was A-W-F-U-L. Luckily, the powers that be realized how awful it was too and sold my company right under our noses.
Once again, I was unemployed. As I am today. Don't get me wrong, I like substitute teaching. I meet LOTS of cool kids and LOTS of not so cool kids. What I have discovered though is there is no burning desire inside me to go back to school and get my teaching degree. It would be nice, because I would get paid more money, but even that doesn't appeal to me. I like the kids but I have to admit, I'm lazy. I don't want to teach math, English, Science, Social Studies.......ugh. That. Aint. Me.
And Lord forgive me, some of those kids are kinda dumb. They don't want to be in class. Don't want to learn anything. They are just there because their parents say they have to be.
Does that mean something is wrong with me? That I am an underachiever? I mean I can teach those things, if I had a speck of interest in them, which I don't. Am I falling into my own self-sabotage again? Because I was there for a long time. I only looked for "easy" jobs. It if required too much of me, I would frown up, sneer and move on. Is that what we have become?
Can't I just get paid for being a mother? I like being at home to help my daughter with her homework and being able to take her to extracurricular activities. But when she is at school, I am soooooo bored!!! I don't want to get a 9 to 5 anymore. It's almost depressing when I think about it. My priorities have changed.
I don't care how much money it pays, just make it purposeful for ME.
So, as I sit here, going back and forth between this blog post and my temp agencies website, I can rest assured this is only temporary. Purpose in my "career" is out there and no, blogging is not in the cards.
4 comments:
Think positive thoughts... A temp agency led me to my current career, which I would never have considered had I not tried it out in a non-permanent way in the first place. And college must have just been agonizing for you. I sat through a very few teaching-class lectures in my day and it only cemented my non-desire for that line of work. Why can't you (or I for that matter) just get paid for being mommy? You asked the right question...
@Sleepless, I dont know. I am at a place of transition right now and Im resisting....we shall see.
You are so on the right track. Knowing what you want and don't want is so important, and wanting something meaningful is great. You'll get there.
Thank you MamaRobinJ - cause sometimes I just want to be swallowed by a black hole when it comes to my non-existent career.
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