Places I Don't Recommend For Mammograms

There have been some poignant instances in my life over the last 7 years that nudge me repeatedly in hopes of getting my unhealthy attention.  This particular instance I share In support of mammograms.

Poignant Instance #1- Free Mamograms At the theme park circa 2005

Picture it, Knotts Berry Farm, California – out with my family and then boyfriend the Sudd Muffin.  For those of you not from California, Knotts Berry Farm is a theme park in southern Cali that offers rides and entertainment at a reasonable value (cause Disney is RIDICULOUS).

I hate roller coaster rides. I can no longer do them but I agreed this one time.  We deiced to ride the Riddler or one of those rides where your feet hangs free.  Almost everyone is strapped in as the ride guy walks around pulling and locking harnesses down over everyones’ chest. 



Then it’s my turn.  Now, I have always had a nice pair of girls.  I never realized how much my girls have “taken over” until this fateful day.  I sat all wide eyed, full of adrenaline and deep breathing about this ride.  I haven’t been on a roller coaster since I don’t know when – I get sick on the kiddie rides!! 

Ride guy makes his rounds and comes up to pull the metal harness (which looks like a chest cage) down and over my chest to lock it in place. 

The chest harness makes a clink hissing sound as it bounces up again.

Oops.  Ride guy stops in mid-stride, comes back and presses down more firmly – “click, click, squeak hiss” – it pops up again.  Ride guy frowns and decides to use his body weight, hands grasping the handles firmly while he presses down in a motion similar to a push up. 

Over and over again he presses down and hard on the harness bars – like he’s giving me chest compressions. 

By this time – EVERYONE is looking, the Sudd Muffin starts saying, “hey hey, hey man!…” as the bar squishes and pushes my boobs down, flatter and flatter.  My girls, the poor dears,  have embarked on a Knotts Berry Farm Free mammogram without my consent and I am wincing in pain but all the while WILLING that dang bar to click and lock.

My willing is in vain.  My girls doth protesteth.  The other roller coaster riders are now thoroughly entertained.  The ride guy has pushed to the point that I think he was starting to get excited.  The sudd-muffin has this pissed/mortified look on his face and is ready to punch the ride guy.  I am sitting there half laughing, half mortified…..

The ride guy finally, relieves my girls of their torture and looks me smug in the face – he doesn’t have to say anything.  He raises the harness bar above my head and I slink off that ride trying NOT to rub my boobs in front of everybody. Many pairs of eyes follow as I walk slowly away to wait for the Sudd Muffin.