Nice Kids May Be Going Through Something Too

Today my daughter took me back to that first time I realized that I didn't know everything about kids or being a parent.  Not that I ever professed to know everything but I though I had a good handle on things.  

Then my baby girl took me to school.

Today was a rough day.  There were many tears and at the laundromat of all places. My daughter always complains that she doesn't have any friends. I told her she needed to be picky. One of her old friends did contact her today to hangout. To my surprise my baby girl wasn't having any of it.

Could it be, my always bored daughter was turning down fun time with a friend?  She was and she did. Why? This particular friend is mean according to my daughter. Just mean.

I told my daughter that I understand she didn't want to hang around with someone who is mean to them at school but to consider what this person may be going through. Then at least try to continue to be nice and friendly. Sometimes kids don't know how to process their feelings and they lash out at the only real friends they have.

Whether it's for attention or otherwise. Kids do lash out. I tried to explain this to my daughter and what she could do in this situation to try to be a good friend. Instead my daughter ended up in tears.

I didn't understand why. I had to take her outside, sit in the car to get to the bottom of it.

It was there that my daughter begin to school me. 

Daughter: I feel like you are forcing me to be friends with this person. I don't think it is fair that I have to be nice and hang out with this person just because she is going through something. She's mean to me and I have to be nice. I'm always nice. I'm not mean to her but I am going through something too.  Parents and people always look at the kids who are acting out in school. They are always saying the mean kids need more attention but what about the kids who are nice and are STILL are going through something? Like me?

Me: (oh crap)

That's not what I said to her but that is what I thought.  She was right.  We as a society do pay a lot of attention to the bully's and mean kids. We say, those kids need help. I hope they get it.  But what about the kids who exhibit no outward appearance of having "issues"? The kids who continue to be nice and on the inside they are just unhappy?

For a second I didn't know what to say. How do I counter this. What advice do I give her when she is hurting so bad because of what is going on in our own household? How does she get her joy back?

First I had to get to the bottom of what was going on with my baby girl.  My house has went through so many changes within the last year. I only have one child - my daughter is an only child that has had to adjust to having 3 other kids in the house. 

This has been more than most kids can bear; she is a trooper

I had to explain to my daughter what is true to me. The bible is very clear about how you treat people. It is also very clear about love. Without that, we have nothing. I can't make her be friends with someone who just doesn't respect her enough to be nice - but she can pray for that person and continue to treat them the way she would want to be treated - no matter what.

I am not saying she should let people walk all over her. No, she needs to stand up for herself but she should never allow another individual to change who she is on the inside because at the end of the day, the world didn't give us this joy and the world can't take it away. She is only 11 but she can still pray.

We don't know why people behave the way they do. Why they do the things they do. Will my daughter and this individual be friends for life? Who knows?

What I do know is that my daughter thought about it and wanted this friend to come on over and spend time with us. So now as I write this, I am listening to their squeals as they play XBOX.

Because that's what friends are for.

What advice would you give your child in this situation?