Thanks to Ms. Shell over at Things I Cant Say, I am laying it all out there about one of my touchy subjects.
I hate buying them. The cellophane wrappers and the colors bring an air of excitement to the buyer. I have wished I could go right in the store and just get it over with. I have hid them from the sudd-muffin. He hates when I bring it up.
Month after month, I hope, dread, deny and finally accept it. Not this time around. Thank you, try again. So once more I start the cycle. I act like I really don't want to while secretly praying that this time will be different.
I watch others on TV, joyous in their confirmation. What about me? Am I really reaping what I sowed? I'm sorry Lord. I really am. I was young and confused and didn't know the value of life and didn't believe what you said - that you would supply all of my needs. So I destroyed another little miracle - it was selfish. I know.
This month was rough. I was sick to my stomach a lot. I hoped it was a sign. Well it was a sign of me taking my meds incorrectly. *sigh*.
Not this month. The app of my phone comes in handy. One can continue to hope. I should just stop trying. That's usually when you get pregnant. When you stop trying.
