PRESENT DAY

Grace slowly slid down the wall.  Letting the tears fall.  Snot was rolling down her top lip.  She refused to lick it - she knew it would be salty.  And sticky.  Instead Grace snatched a leftover piece of paper towel from under the bed and wiped hard at her lip and nose.   Immediately her lip felt hot and raw and started to swell.

Harold sat just 3 feet away from Grace staring at the floor.  Once again, there was no emotion on his face.

How can he just sit there after admitting he's not in love with me anymore??  Gracde thought incredulously.

"Are you going to leave?"  Harold asked quietly.  He held his breath, waiting for Graces' response.

"I think that would be best.  I can't stay here, " Grace said rawly.  On the inside she was screaming - "DONT YOU LOVE ME?  DON'T YOU REMEMBER THE DAY WE MET IN PERSON?  AND THE SPARKS THAT FLEW??  PLEASE REMEMBER.  I STILL LOVE YOU.  I ALWAYS HAVE.  please please remember - a small voice begged.

Strangely enough Adeles song Dont You Remember really made sense to me right now.  I never thought her song written out of pain would now mirror my life.

I remember when we met.  It was well after Ronald and just after Shawn.  Edward was in the picture still - in fact, Harold and I basically met because of Edward.

April 2005
Carson, CA

Ronald

What can I say about Ronald.  I don't even think I was attracted to him.  Man he had some BEAUTIFUL eyes.  He was cute.  He was smart.   He was a Shitzu.  No I didn't misspell that.  He was a dog.  The funny thing about trying to trust in God and protect your new found virtue and vagina is that the devil is also busy trying to destroy it.

Ronald chased.  Smiled.  Eyes glinted.  Acted like he was interested.  Of course I was disinterested, which made him more interested.  Ronald was my classmate in my PC networking class.

Sitting in networking class was boring.  I didn't get this crap.  I really dont get it.  But, working in computers brings in the big bucks.  Grace sighed.  Despite the fact that I can take copious notes, I just didnt fucking get it.  Networking.  Computer networking. Just because computers come easy to someone doesnt mean they should try to start their career in that field.  First things first, I have to pass this class.  Even more, I need to be on time.

Grace walked in quietly trying to suppress her harsh breathing from the long trek acaross the parking lot.  Damn  student parking.  God I'm sweating, I hope no one smells me, Grace thought.

Mr. Weng continues on about his star networks as I slowly tune out and dump my bag on the floor.

"Hey, you late." Ronald says with a crooked smile.
I know he's hitting on me.  "Duh." I say to my inner self but I smile in agreement.  I'm not worried.  I'm a fast reader and my notes will be better than Ronalds' despite being late. Grace thought.

"So, can you meet me after class?" Ronald asked.
"I'll think about it," Grace said. "It depends on how you act."

I knew what he wanted.  It was the same thing every time.  Ronadl wanted to sit in the car and chat me up.  I liked talking to him.  He was growing on me.  Slowly.  I still wondered though why he never invited me to his house instead to talk.........

Guys are stupid that way.  Screeeeech!!

"Grace, how many repeaters do you need between the central hub of a star network topology?" Professor Weng asked.

"One or more." Grace quickly said.  See, told ya.  That was a close one.  I grinned behind my computer screen and ignored the looks from Ronald and Rex.

After class Ronald walked with me outside talking all the while about some nonsense.  I walked slow and deliberate to his waiting car all the while thinking - "Go home, go home - your car is the other way!"

Not to bore you with any details of hot front car seat sex but 2 months later - I was up close and personal with my long lost white porcelain standby.

I had avoided Ronald for so long.  I don't know why I gave in to him.  And now I was pregnant.  I couldn't be pregnant - by him.  He already had 2 kids.

".......and now I have to go back to court to redo my child support order," Ronald was saying.  "It will be hard on my other kids but......whew......it's something I have to do."

Men always have a way of making you feel guilty about things.  If you don't want to have oral sex, their penis may fall off.  If you wish them to put on a condom to protect you from the nasty they know they've been with, the possibility of "not feeling it" is laid out for you in seduction format.  And if you don't want to have sex at all, then there is something desperately wrong with a woman who wishes not to feed the need in her vagina - yep, I've heard it all.  But this whole child support thing took the cake.

I'm sorry but you may have to go to court to amend your child support order????  What. The. Hell.  I may have to push out your spawn and try to explain to my other child and family the results of one minute thirty seconds of awkward car sex. Ew. No.  I cannot.

"Well, what if I don't want it?" Grace interrupted.  I didn't want it, did I?  I couldn't imagine being tied to this guy for the rest of my life.  But to get rid of it???!!!!  I couldn't.  Children are a gift.  I just didn't want this one.  He didn't want it either.

I. Didn't. Want. It.