How About Gardasil?

That is the question my daughters pediatrician asked me at her her well check up this past week.

"What??" I asked.

"GARDASIL, you know for HPV?"

I froze.  I wasn't expecting this particular question to be asked of me. My daughter on the other hand immediately wanted to know, "Am I going to be poked?????" She hates getting shots.

I took her to get her booster shot upon moving to Mississippi and enrolling in school and she had a nervous breakdown that consisted of me having to hold her arms and legs down because she was so afraid of getting the shot.

At age 10.

She laughed and cried at the same time - it was horrible but I digress.

Back to the Gardasil - I looked the doctor directly in the face. He looked back at me as if I had no idea what Gardasil or HPV was because you know I am black and there is that stigma that African Americans suffer due to lack of acceptance of education and knowledge about sexual health.

In my head I said, I am so happy I volunteer for ELCN- but even more so I am happy that I am a momma who reads and makes sure I am up on STD education, what causes cervical cancer and the sexual culture of young kids these days.  That is what I said in my head.

I also immediately noticed the look of horror on my daughters face. I assume my daughter knows everything and then nothing at all.  I say nothing at all because my daughter is so innocent in some ways that I cringe sometimes.  Don't get me wrong - I am thankful I have raised her in such a way that she is a true 11 year old who doesn't have boys and pre-adolescent sex on the brain but sometimes, I have to warn her about certain things.

Anyway, I looked that doctor in the face and said, out loud, "She doesn't need the vaccine.  That vaccines sole purpose is to vaccinate against HPV, which is a sexually transmitted disease. She's not sexually active, so no."

He shook his head, nodding as if he understood.  Then repeated the question again.  And I again said no. He then moved on to, "Well maybe when she's older....."  Ummm, yeah but no.

I know, I know, some proponents of this vaccine may come down on me saying that I am naive to the fact that there are kids having sex as early as age 9 years old - in fact a 9 year old just gave birth recently.

I get it, I am not oblivious to that.  Heck, I lost my own virginity at age 15 or 16, I can't really remember - that time was a blur. But the fact is, I know.

Genital Human Pappilomavirus is the most common sexually transmitted disease.  The CDC says:  HPV vaccine is recommended for girls and boys 11 or 12 years of age. It may be given starting at age 9.

Age freaking 9.  That is fine if you have a child who is sexually active or who you believe may become sexually active.  Then by all means, start the round of HPV, get it going.  

However, I refuse to allow any doctor or the federal government to dictate to me when my child should be vaccinated against a sexually transmitted disease when my child is NOT even sexually active.

I have raised my daughter to believe in God and what the bible says about sex. If you ask her, she will tell you, I'm waiting until I get married.  

That is it.  Period. No ifs, ands or buts about it. 

Matter fact, I will be purchasing Dannah Gresh's - And the Bride Wore White because I believe if I had a healthy parent in my life during my pre-teen and teen year to tell me about sexual purity, I wouldn't have lost it to just some dude.  I wouldn't have allowed my own psyche to be fragmented to believe that sex was love. 

I wouldn't have believed the lies I was told by some men who had no respect for me or my vagina.

But you know what, that's alright. I look at my experiences and choices I made as an opportunity to get it right with my daughter.  She deserves that much.

My eyes are not closed to the fact that this generation and culture minimizes sex and makes it into a joke almost.  Something as trivial as changing your shoes. It's horrible. I recognize all of this.

We are mothers and teachers first.  Do your research. Teach your kids.  Be honest with them about your own sexuality and the things you have done - sometimes that can be the best education you can give your children.  Tell them the truth about this world, sexually transmitted diseases like HPV - it is not a game, cervical cancer is not just some womans illness - it is real and people are dying everyday.

Take control of your child's  physical, mental and emotional health needs. TAKE THEM TO THE DOCTOR. Don't ignore their complaints. I have been guilty of that, but don't ignore their aches and pains. Admittedly my daughter is a hypochondriac - she gets excited if she thinks she is sick.

It's funny. Sometimes. But having a sick child is no laughing matter.  So be open and educated so when the time comes that you take your young son or daughter to their well check up, when the doctor asks you about giving them a vaccine - make sure you know exactly what they are asking of you.

Not My Mothers Cancer

If you have read my blog before then you may have read about me being a mother to one and my instantaneous launch into being the surrogate mother of one very emotional but lovely tween and her teen-aged sister - bringing my mommy-hood total to 3.

The Laws of In-Laws

When I agreed to move to Mississippi with my husband, I was quite apprehensive.  I didn’t want to move to Gulfport, MS.  My husband had nothing but bad story after bad story about Gulfport and his growing up here.  I almost DIDN’T come at all.

Save for my husbands Aunt.  I have debated about this.  Talking about it.  I haven’t known anyone personally with Cancer of any kind.  Only from afar, you know, a friend of a friend, a family member that I never really knew anyway.  My husband was partly raised by his Aunt.

She has battled Cervical cancer for a while.  This time, I am guessing it came back.  She had to have a radical surgery where a lot of things were removed and her chance of surviving through the surgery was 30%.  She survived.

What is bothering me so much though are her kids.  Her 11 year old and 17 year old daughters.  The 17 year old, I am not too worried about because she will be graduating and will off to college.  I cant really get into everything but, there is so much dysfunction.


EXTREME dysfunction.  I am preparing myself to take on a even more responsibility for the 11 year old.  When we moved to our apartment, we rented a 3 bedroom apartment, just in case.  Lord, I don’t know if I can do this.  How do you deprogram verbal abuse?  Or teach an 11 year old how to socialize?  Or let her know that having fun is ok.  Talking about having fun is ok?  That it’s ok to feel anger?  It’s ok to cry?  To be LOUD?

My Aunt went back to the hospital last week.  This week we found out she had seizures over the weekend and it didn’t look good at all.  She is much better, thank God.  In  fact she is doing really well.  But still.  It’s hard.  My husbands family is so much unlike mine.  They think kids should be seen and not heard.  To me, Kids are kids.  They do stupid kid stuff, right??  *sigh*

You know, every month I pray and fret over getting pregnant because I want another baby so bad.  I also want to adopt but it seems like God keeps saying, “It’s not time” and keeps giving me this crap to deal with.  I get tired.  Often times, I want to just say the heck with it and be a mean old biddy, but I can’t.  I love my husbands family.  I love my husband.  I love God. 

Rant over.