Bon Appetit 2013 Cleanse

Let me tell you how it went. I made the chocolate bark - that went over WELL but of course - it's chocolate!

Then I attempted to make dinner for Day 1 of this cleanse: Black Cod with Swiss Chard, Olives, and Lemon (click for recipe)

Red Quinoa with Pistachios (click for recipe)  I didn't look like that to the right- not by a long shot. I didn't make the Quinoa, couldn't find the darn pistachios. I did make the Swiss chard and cod which was alright.  I decided to call it quits on the cleanse and remix all of my recipes after this response from my family and kids as posted in my weight loss group on Facebook:

Ok, my Bon Appetit Clense is officially OVER. The recipes are too exotic - I cooked my cod with red Swiss chard tonight. The chard was fine but the spices for the fish smelled like feet according to one child. The 18 year just chewed and swallowed. My baby girl had a collage she was working on for school so she ate late. She sat down took one whiff and asked indignantly, "do I have to eat this???" My 18 year old just told her to yell YOLO and pop the food in her mouth. Of course she has to still eat it - i ate it but it was still funny. My hubby got off easy. He's fasting. so now I sit here listening to intervals of YOLO as she chews....yo-lo.

So in honor of that disaster - I sent this to all of my pals on Sunshine's Journey to 199 - Team Plum

YOLO

The Finish What You Start Series - #21 - Prior Fat Girl initiation begins -

Started January 2009.....

So I am following Jen from Prior Fat Girl and letting it go. My twin sister has got to go - she is sloppy, messy, unhealthy, gluttonous and I have to keep buying her bigger underwear. I am kicking her out and cleaning up my house!
Day 1
I signed up with a free Get Fit/Healthy Me plan from Blue Cross Blue Shield - it is neat! Unfortunately this was AFTER I ate 6 chocolate mini donuts. I got right back on track though with the Roasted Chicken Salad from Quiznos.....Mmm...mmm.....mmm

Christmas Presents

So this past week marked the beginning of the Daniel Fast for many people all over the U.S. Last year I participated in the Daniel Fat and wouldn't you know it - my girls practically whined me to death so they could participate as well.

I was so honored and happy! I mean even if the real reason why they want to participate is because they know I'm going to cook everyday - who cares! I'll take that!

We did well last year; we did fall off for like 3 days though and it was HARD.

This year, the Daniel Fast kind of coincided with the beginning of my change of diet plan. I was eating very well, nothing but veggies, fruit and whole grains.  I also exercised.

Not My Mothers Cancer

If you have read my blog before then you may have read about me being a mother to one and my instantaneous launch into being the surrogate mother of one very emotional but lovely tween and her teen-aged sister - bringing my mommy-hood total to 3.

Saving My Greek Experience By Going Asian

Making the decision to not take my skinny for granted has given me more courage to try new things.  New foods, new exercises, new ways of thinking.

I am a closet foodie.  Although my family is originally from California and we never really spent any time in the south, my grandmother cooked like we had lived there all of our lives.

We weren't the traditional fried chicken and greens every Sunday dinner family.  I have never eaten chitterlings or pigs feet.  I have tasted the latter though and I love to watch the process and the smell of my grandmother making hog head cheese.  From her buying the hog head, boiling it, getting all the bones and teeth out - this was a process that amazed me!

My grandmother was always making something different.  Like Farmer John hot dog spaghetti - one of my FAVORITE spaghetti's of all times.  My granny can cook it in 10 minutes flat - never understood how she did it but, man a hot dog with pasta NEVER tasted so good!!

From the different foods we would eat, I developed an adventure for trying something new.  So last week I decided, WE, all of us were going to eat a Greek dinner:  

• Balsalmic Honey Glazed Grilled Lamb Chops with Apricot Mint Jelly
• Couscous with Parmesan cheese and green onions
• Rachal Rays Raosted Vegetables

I am happy to report that we are still alive and there was no upchucking.  My daughter and I LOVED the lamb, I cooked it beautifully.  The apricot mint jelly did wonders for it. I didn't realize how lean of a meat it was.  I also didn't take pictures. 

The roasted green beans were awesomely delicious.  This was my first take on cooking couscous which to my surprise I found out it is a pasta.  It cooks very quickly.  I cooked it in chicken broth or attempted to.  It kind of cooked itself bringing to life an aromatic cloud of green onion and cheese. Boy that thing lived.  Then it proceeded to die a horrible, lumpy, Parmesan and green onion death.

I was devastated.  Before we started eating I gave my kids permission to spit the food out respectfully - the one and ONLY time I will ever do this.  There was much napkin covering of the mouths at my table with that darn couscous. 

I had no idea what to do.  I wasn't about to throw away 2lbs of couscous, that was simply out of the question.  So I called on one of my memories from my granny.  On one occasion my grandmother attempted to make some type of Chinese noodle concoction.  I have no idea what it was supposed to be but what she ended up turning it into was homemade Rice a Roni.  San Francisco aint got nothing on my granny!

But to fix my couscous, I had to take drastic kitchen sink measures.  First I heated the couscous up to help separate it better.  Then I looked in my fridge for vegetables that I needed to get rid of, found them: orange bell pepper, cilantro, three tomatoes on the vine.  I went to slicing, dumping in the veggies with Emeril Lagasse flair - BAM! - while one of my girls continuously stirred and separated that couscous. 

Then I thought, hmmm, how can I turn this up a notch?  MEAT!  I always have a bag of Tyson Grilled Chicken strips in the freezer since changing my eating habits, it's a quick and easy chicken to thaw and throw into anything.

Fingers flying across my iPhone, I looked up some type of dressing to use with couscous and found a basic balsamic honey and Dijon mustard dressing and added my own flair: Asian 5 spice and lemon.  I whisked that sucker together and proceeded to let my salad phoenix rise from Couscous death!

Results:  Both of my girls took to it like it was ice cream.  I gave them the option to add crispy Asian noodles or wantons to it.  They love the crispy noodles with it.  So for the rest of the week this will be my lunch - Phoenix Couscous Chicken Salad with 5 Spice Balsamic Dijon Dressing. 

And - I have pictures. 

Little Engine Chuggin Along

This week started with a determination like none other.  I had a dream that I was.....skinny.  The dream was so real to me that I woke up feeling so good about my body.  Giddy with joy, I rolled over and landed on Peggy, my left boob, and quickly deduced that my skinny me was a figment of Inception.  Self mammogram done for the month, I decided to go another route.

When Lowering Your Goals Means Success
 
Sometimes we set goals for ourselves that are not truly realistic but more ambitious in nature.  First my goal was to get out and exercise.  I didn't really had a set time, no clear plan, just to exercise.  The result was I would walk one day for like an hour, come home - give myself kudos.  The next day would come and I had no motivation to go walking again.  At all.

I was setting my goals high because I wanted something to work towards but some how not understanding that I was setting myself up for failure.  After seeing another individuals success on weight loss, and bursting into tears
I decided to lower my goals. 

So I embarked on a different exercise plan from Sparkpeople.com.  The 10 Minute Daily Exercise Streak challenge.  I was actually was able to accomplish my goals for the entire week.  I was proud.  Sure I may have fell off in regards to my eating this weekend, that's alright because tomorrow is another day.

But all week long, I exercised for 10 minutes a day: first day was yoga - I don't know what the heck I did wrong but my knee swelled up double after that.  I scratched the yoga for day two and completed upper body strength training, then Cardio the next, more strength training, repaired my daughters bunkie board which involved sawing wood, drilling holes and putting the bed back together.  All the supplies were less than 30 bucks. 

Carpentry is hard work!

For the upcoming week, I'm going to stay on my grind, eek out 10 minutes of exercise a day for the next 2 weeks, then add more time to my workout.  All exercise is hard when you are trying to lose weight but the trick is to just keep trying and remember that it's OK to start over again.

Throat Tears and Bumpy Chins

Last night I had a bad dream. I was pregnant. I was so excited. I thought, finally, another chance at it again! My dream ended with me taking a pregnancy test.

The test was negative.

I woke up with tears in my esophagus and my lungs tight with asthmatic heartache.  It was 4am in the morning. 

Not only was it just a dream but my dang lungs were only working at like 75%.  Wheezing like a teapot calling for relief.

Every month it's the same thing.  I check my Woman's Log on my phone, look at the little flowers dotting the days.  They represent when I am supposed to be ovulating.  I don't really track whether or not I am in "get me pregnant" mode but I always rush to my phone to track the days when the sudd-muffin and I get together.

A quick squeeze to my boobs - check for soreness.  A fluttering of fingers over my chin - because after losing one of my Fallopian tubes, I now get acne on my chin every month when aunt flow visits.  There was one bump there.  Of course that could be attributed to the Little Debbie brownies I ate this week.  Little Debbie and not Hostess - couldn't find any dang chocolate icing donuts! 

Didn't need them anyway.

I also pay close attention to my attitude: am I a bit snappy?  Did that librarian really piss me off? Is my sudd-muffin a little too touchy right now? Did Rina's blonde moment NOT bring a laugh to my lips?  Did my sudd-muffin just give me one of those breath stealing kisses and my laughter bubbled and fell hard against his lips causing him to back away slowly in disgust?

Yes, si, Ja, Haji and yep.  It's like I took TWO pregnancy tests in one day.

Therefore, Aunt Flo is right around the corner. 

I have a plan though.

I'm going to elope. I'm going to eat lot's of period delaying foods as well as embark on a herculean athletic mission. To further delay Aunt Flo's arrival. 

Then, I will use Bing's search engine (because I need more Bing points to buy Starbucks gift cards) to look up herbs I can ingest to FURTHER delay Aunt Flo's infamous anchorage on my butt, belly and hips in the form of bloating, increased desire for junk foods and extreme fatigue.

Finally, as my body waves a long goodbye to Aunt Flo's retreating back with my middle fingers of all things, I will crawl under by bed covers.  I will purge by letting this emotional dam break to flood my pillow and mattress with the postpartum depression laced tears that have wed in the pools of my tear ducts for the last year.

Or better yet, I'm gonna just eat an Entenmann's chocolate doughnut and succumb to the inevitable. 

It all sounded fun though. 

In the middle of this post my sudd-muffin must needs to know what the heck Pit Bull means when he says "Dale". 

I could only laugh out loud as he slides his hands up and down my arm and repeats the phrase...."Dale"......- unbeknownst to him the content of this blog post.

I love my life.

National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day

In honor of this day, I wanted to re-post my story.  I try not to think too much about this but we have to break the silence as 1 in 4 women will suffer a pregnancy or infant loss in their lifetime.

December 2012

We Cant Keep Meeting Like This - Deja Vu


Well so much has happened once again.  We didn't quite have the name picked out but this time around I was 17 weeks.  I went to the ER last week for stomach pains.  I thought I was really constipated.  Turns out I have a very large fibroid on the outside of my uterus on the right side.  It was causing me tremendous pain.  My first ER visit was very painful.   The ER doctor just didn't care.  He tried to bully me into signing a consent for a CT Scan.  I was very hesitant and he just didn't care.  I eventually did sign the consent which is how the fibroid was discovered.

Uterine Fibroids are quite common in women.  Why they grow I do not know.  They can cause tremendous pain during menstruation as well as causing anemia in women.  I have had them for years.  Most of them small and not really causing any issues.  Not so true this time around.  Last Wednesday at Medical center of Arlington my doctor decided to do an exploratory surgery to see if my fibroid could be removed.  Unfortunately it could not but my appendix was taken out just to be on the safe side.  Hours later my water did break. 

My son, Garrett Aiden Madden  DAUGHTER (update update here) was born December 12, 2010.  She never took a breath.  He She never nursed at my breast.  He She never got to see my face.  He  She never got to say mama or dada.  I never got to show him how much she was loved.  My husband never got to have that fatherly pride most men feel when they have little boys  girls.  She was perfectly formed at 17 weeks.  Lips and nose just like her father. Fingers so long and beautiful.  Even now, I can see her face in my mind....so peaceful.  SHe fought hard to the end.  Kicking and moving around so much while I was in pain.  Her heartbeat was so strong the entire time I was drugged up.

I believed this time around my pregnancy would go the distance.  In some ways it did. I don't believe I was let down at all.  It just was not meant to be.  My God is still good.  I am still here and more determined then ever to get my body into shape for the next time God decides to bless us with another pregnancy.
 
Too many times women, especially women who are married don't really think anything of having kids or getting pregnant.  It is just another occurrence that happens in marriage.  God on the other hand has put a lot of thought, planning and tools in place to bring a child into this world.  Why else would it take 10 months time for a baby to form and develop?  So then why not are women more careful with their bodies in preparation to have a baby?  Often we take our bodies for granted and say, well I have never really been sick sick, so I should be OK right?  Wrong.  I have never been sick sick.  Rarely got a cold.  Only developed asthma when I moved to Texas 3 years ago.  I have been overweight for years.  Arguing with myself time and time again that I should lose weight.  Reading blogs by other Big Losers who I said inspired me but really didn't inspire me to act.  I was just wasting time.

Again I have always had fibroids but when I did have insurance, I didn't take the steps necessary to make sure they wouldn't cause me problems.   Until this.  My son Aiden was special - his name means Little Fire.  He may not have a had life outside of my womb but he did remind me of what life was and how a lighting little fire can illuminate your existence   So I can't sit around anymore making excuses for my health.  I want to have more kids with my husband and I want to be healthy doing it.  I know things do happen with our health that we cannot control.  As for the things we can control, that is where my focus will be.  I'm starting a little fire in Aidens name.  Watch me burn.

This loss will be hard for me to deal with on some days.  Today was easier than yesterday.  I am thankful for the Labor and Delivery staff at the Women's Center at MCA.  I will never forget them because they made sure we would never forget Aiden.  Blessing to them and my doctor who truly cares for me.  God is good and greatly to be praised.  He once again deserves all the Glory in this trial and pain.  This too will pass and Aiden will have the life that She deserved. 

I didn't change the baby's name - couldn't bring myself to do it once we found out it was a girl.

Toe Jam

Not My Foot

This has got to be a movie.  Nothing like this happens in real life.

Not really.

Bad enough I have been dealing with Diverticulitis and missed like three days of rehearsal for my play because of it but NOW, my fourth toe on my right foot decides to try to live as an individual by breaking away from my other little piggies leaving ME with a broke toe.

The highlight:

I only spent 40 minutes in the ER.

WHAT??

GET OUT!  

Yes I did - FOURTY FREAKIN MINUTES.  I was in and out of there so quick I didn't even get the chance to smell the hospital food!

So now I hobble around leaving the crutches propped up against the door cause Lord knows I am too clumsy for them.  

Besides, I get motion sickness from the swinging.

And NO, I am not putting a picture up of my foot.  

Ugh.

Gross.

Aye Poopy!

Well my life thus far has been a life of, "Ok, now what."

I went into the ER on 9/29 with horrible abdominal pains on my left side.  Come to think of it, my stomach had been hurting for some time but I kept ignoring it.  I finally had to go see what all the fuss was about.

Believe or not, I don't care about being in the ER.  In fact I was hoping they would admit me so I can have my favorite food in the world - HOSPITAL FOOD!  

I LOVE HOSPITAL FOOD.

Most people dread going to hospitals let alone staying there but oh the joy of it all to get well balanced, perfectly proportioned food, 3 times a day - it's like Weight Watchers or Nutrisystem for free!!

But I digress.  This is serious.  I am about to turn thirty freaking three years old and was diagnosed with Diverticulitis - a disease mostly occurring in people over the age of 50.

When I first heard this, I laughed.  Not for cynicism or that uncomfortable, nervous laugh but because it seems like my Granny is passing down all of her ailments. 

Don't believe me?

At the age of 19, I started losing my hair - out of the blue.  Who else has suffered hair loss for some time - Granny.

At age 29 I developed Asthma after moving to Grand Prairie, TX.  Who else has had Asthma for YEARS - G-R-A-N-N-Y.

Now at the lovely young age of 32, my intestines have to go on an AARP sponsored diet thanks to Diverticulitis and WHOM would you ask was diagnosed with the same thing - you guessed it.

My Grandmother.

But that is fine - I love my granny and I am firm believer that sickness can only affect you as far as you let it.  

This Pic Was Better than a Pile of Crap pic

So what is or what causes Diverticulitis you may ask?  From what I have read, not enough fiber and too much pressure in your color produces pouches in your large intestines, called Diverticula.  Those pouches get inflamed and infected.  

In lay-mans terms - I'm full of shit.  And it' starting to stink.

I said it.  There.  

Now don't get me wrong and forgive me Lord for using that term - that isn't how I speak but........you get my point.

I try NOT to eat processed foods, fast foods, nothing that has a shelf life.  Looking back, my mind is saying don't eat that but my mouth and belly are saying, mmmm, mmmm good!

So, something has got to change.  Like for real this time.  When I announced this thing to my family and friends on Facebook - God that sounds...... apocalyptic......anyway, I was really surprised at how many people said they had it as well, which made me stop and think.

Why are all these people getting this disease?  What is going on around here?  Have vegetarians had it right all along?  Are the Vegan police engaged in war on us meat eaters?  Do I not fast enough?

The questions are endless but my life is not.  So the first thing I have to do? Finish these godawful antibiotic regimen of Flagyl and Cipro - shudder.

Second, do some reading on the right type of diet and preventative measures.

Third, complete steps 1 and 2 so I can move on with my life in the right direction.  

I have so many poop jokes now.

Hey Skinny!

You never really start paying attention to your skinny until you don't have it anymore or at least until it runs and hides behind layers of life and despair.  Whether it be all those fast food stops, late night snacking, emotional eating, an out of control thyroid, pregnancy or just a "what the ef ever" outlook on food.

For some of us, our skinny is hidden under genetics and just bad body make up.  It's just not fair.  There are people out there who NEVER consider their skinny.  They wear it like a Harry Potter invisibility cloak. 

For instance, in middle school there was this perfect girl - perfect hair, perfect make-up,  perfect clothes.  I would just sit back and watch her.  Not all stalker-ish because this was the early 90s, but I would see her on the bus, not a hair out of place.  

That 
crap 
irritated 
me.

I didn't hate her.  I don't even think I envied her.  I asked God what the heck  did I do wrong to be born like this?  Like, Lord, did you think you needed to make it any harder for me to find my niche in this world?

I was black, I had a big nose AND lips and motherland boobs that looked like two flat saucers hanging from my chest - I could have been one of the many extras on the Shaka Zulu movie. "Shaaakaaa!"

Sorry about the visual.

I had finally gotten the boobs I really didn't want - or thought I wanted; they came so quickly, I didn't know what to do with them.  I just know that I prayed an wished so hard for a nice set that when I finally got them, I could no longer wear a bathing suit WITHOUT a bra.  What does that tell you boys and girls - well girls anyway?  That Judy Blumes mantra, "I must, I must, I must increase my bust!" just flat out didn't work!

The first time I noticed my skinny, I was barely 15 and I bought a skirt, a jean wrap skirt.  It was cute - took me forever to figure out how to put that sucker on.  When I finally had it on, I was so uncomfortable.  I mean my legs were showing!!!  I had no clue about my skinny.  It was just eking to be noticed, just a little.  There was no one around to notice my skinny - nothing positive anyway.

But I hated my body.  Not with an obvious hate.  A neglectful hate. I had no interest in my body or it's progression into womanhood.  It was just.....there - the vehicle that carried around my head.  I didn't care about going through puberty (cept for my saucer boobs)  all those things fell on my sister - she was the oldest so pubescent milestones fell in the shadow of an afterthought.  

Like what's so exciting about the 2nd born child getting boobs?? Rah, rah, rah.

Happy. Happy. Joy. Joy.

I could kick myself as I look back now.  My poor skinny.  Battered, bruised, beaten and left for dead on the side of the road.  Did she cry?  Did my skinny fight violently for attention?  Did my skinny stare back at me in the mirror, screaming silently as she slowly faded into obese oblivion?  

Those few times that I actually looked in the mirror - my skinny was staring right back at me.  Shaking her head in that, "Oooooooohh, you done done it now!" way.

Skinny, how long have you sung My Heart Will Live On?  

"Far too long", she replies.

Taking Skinny For Granted

So I changed the name of my blog - again. This time though I hope the name will stick.  Since so much of the last couple of years have been focused on my health, I believe I need to start paying attention and quit playing around.  Hence, the new name - TA DAAAAA!  

Change baby change

I'm going to be changing my blog soon.  This one is soooo boring and I would like to capture my move from the "North" to the South, me being a California girl and all....most people that fountd out I am moving to Mississippi gave me this, "You're moving to Mississippi, why there?" line of questioning.  I know what they say about the South.  Yes, I am black.  Yes, I am moving to Gulfport, MS. 
Yes, I am intimidated just a bit at the possibilities of......but at this moment in time, those possibilities are just that - possibilities.  I have no idea what will happen in MS.  That isn't my concern right now.  I am trying to focus on making this move as smooth as possible, making sure baby girl is in a good school, can adjusts well and getting my mind/body back on track so I can continue to be a good wife and mama and make an impact in this new community I will be moving to.

First up - the schools
I wanted my daughter to go to Bayou View Elementary because according to the reports is the Highest Ranked school in that district and a National Blue Ribbon school but I found out the school is full and was directed to Anniston Elementary.  I did not want my daughter to go to 28th Street Elementary School at all. So I have to fill out an In-district transfer request.  Yay. 

I went to each schools website to compare Anniston Elementary vs. 28th Street Elementary School.  Yes, those are the websites for each school.  *Sigh* - my first thought, "who is the webmaster & why are they stuck in the land before Steve Jobs, Java, Dreamweaver, xhtml and all the new-fangled website making tools.  I am moving past the aesthetics though.  The state of Mississippi has got some things right. 

Teachers are not allowed to teach in a public school WITHOUT certification, at all, unless you go through Kelly Education Services (they handle ALL the substitute teaching jobs for this area and you just have to have a Bachelors degree).  The state of MS is a strict follower of the No Child Left Behind Act. Their report card is here.  Honestly, I did't know what most of that stuff meant except the MET and NOT MET so it looks to me Annistonis doing just fine.  I am calling them tomorrow though to get more info. 

Next up - School Lunch 
I have had issue with my daughters current school lunches for some time which is why I usually make her lunch to take but since we are moving, I gave myself a break.

They cant even call it lunch or breakfast because they give the bare minimum to meet standards and get the maximum back for the free school lunch program. 

The vultures.

Yesterday I took lunch to my daughter & sat down with her.  On the menu for yesterday was pizza, broccoli, pineapples & milk.  The pineapples looked good.  That was about it.

After reading Mrs. Q's blog Fed Up With Lunch about school lunches I was really intent on finding out what MS schools would be serving.  So I went back to their dinosaur website for the Gulfport School District and wouldn't you know it, THEY POST PICTURES OF THEIR FOOD ON THE DISTRICT WEBSITE.  I couldn't believe it!





Credi

They even have school cooks, something I haven't seen in YEARS. 

  I was impressed but I am all about the seeing it with my own eyes so we will see when we get to Gulfport next week what the real deal is.  Until then.  I still have to pack.  The house is a mess.  I don't want to pack anymore.  I'm going to be a southern belle now so I's wants my sweet tea and umbrella so I can sit in tha shade and fan myself.  But dang it, I have to find a girl scouts troop in Gulfport.  Shoot.

Nag Diary 10.1 - Nags from the ER/Hospital Visit

Courtesy of: Transfigure

So, I had to come back to the ER on 2/22 because I started having breathing problems. Doctor thought it would be best since I just had a Myomectomy (fibroid removal) on 2/17.

Here is the Run down Nag Diary style:

They sent me right back to an ER holding room where THREE, count em THREE male techs/nurses came to assist me.


They were good looking.


I had to take my shirt and bra off IN FRONT of said good looking men with my cute hubby helping me behind a hospital "t-shirt".

So the girls came happily bounding out with an unfolding flop - ahhh they're free - to my chagrin. The ekg tech commences to fit me with sensors all over the arms and Mona & Lisa. He has to actually lift and move.

I can just hear it if this was like that Movie The Invention of Lying.....


Tech: man this ladies boobs are HUGE!! Whoa! I hope your husband isn't mad (he was)

Nurse: I know & all I get to do is put on her wrist bracelet and hold the hospital gown up...damn!

Other..Nurse: I GET TO ACT LIKE IM NOT WATCHING!!
Me: if I lift Mona & Lisa up for you, there will be a full on view of my nipples.....so eh-neh - ain't gonna happen. {Groans inwardly and suffers in silence}
Sudd-muffin: That mutha@!#/! Man what the heck are you doing? Really??? Really NayLahKnee??

I couldn't look. The sudd-muffin was beet red from embarrassment and envy cause we are on married couples tango hiatus due to the surgery and the beef armed tech managed to keep a straight face whilst visiting MCA ER room 18s' booby bar where "fondling is for the free".

It was all really funny in hindsight and that was just the first hour and a half.

Nag Diary 10.2 - Nags from the ER/Hospital Visit.

For those of you that don't know, I LOVE HOSPITAL FOOD!
Seriously. Don't roll your eyes or twist your mouth up in a mock "ewwwww". I have my reasons.
Here are they are:

1. They feed you three times a day


2. The meals are dietarily correct meaning the meals are square!


3. YOU don't have to cook it.


4. If you pay attention, you get FREE lessons on portion control, what it "looks" like AND food pairings.


5. If you eat hospital food day after day (depending on time spent in hospital) you start to notice you actually are FULL and have no cravings.

Unless of course they have you on steroids. For asthma. Like me.

I'm a comment junkie and I WAS in the hospital. I'm playing on your sympathies, so leave a comment.

Nag Diary - 7.3 - Now where was that Post when I needed it?

I'm referring to Jen over at Prior Fat Girl. I was so happy with her Falling off the Wagon post.  I really needed it & I was so down on myself because of yesterdays eating choices.  But you know what - it is ALL good.  I usually don't pay much attention to my binging habits because I am too busy eating*.  But now that I think about it - I have been down because of my birthday.  It was hard this year - I mean nothing to whine about but it was still hard for me - personally. 

I decided to take this journey of purification because I wanted to be reborn.  I also wanted to quit talking about it & BE about it like some of these other wonderful ladies.  Like Syl at LIVE, SMILE, RUN or Missy at the Ups and Downs of Losing Weight....just two new blogs I am so proud to be subscribed to.  I don't have a lot of money to buy little gifts for giveaways to get readers to read my blog.  But what I do have is respect for these women and creativity to show them that respect......so this is for you Jen, Syl and Missy!

Nag Diaries - 5.3 - Conquering the Monkey Bars

Yesterday, I took my daughter on a walk in our neighborhood.  We actually have a nice neighborhood with a walking path & man-made lake and stream.  There were ducks everywhere. 
We walked until the path ended at the neighborhood playground.  Nothing spectacular about this playground.
 Just 4 swings two climbing areas with slides and – a set of monkey bars.  The big shadow is me – ha!

I loved monkey bars when I was a kid.  I even loved that little round metal bar shaped like a rectangle and drilled directly into the ground.  I would balance on that thing on my butt and then swing backwards with the back of my knees hugging the bar – around and around.  Some kids would even tie their sweaters around their waste and to the bar to swing around without the aid of your knees. 
Back to the monkey bars. 
At my school in Scottsdale, AZ, we had a nice jungle gym, swing monkey bar play area.  We had a set of monkey bars connected to the slide as well as metal rings that faced the monkey bars.  I would swing on the rings, just until I got the right height and momentum and let go to fly over to the monkey bars, catch it and monkey my way to the end and repeat.  I was fearless and not afraid to try anything.
Yesterday at the park, my daughter wanted to try the monkey bars.  Now she’s nine so, I thought monkey bars would be easy.  She couldn’t even swing.  She tried twice more than gave up – all the while complaining and whining about it. 
I was dumbfounded.  She’s nine and was afraid to try the monkey bars.  She was scared.  It made me realize how sheltered and out of shape she is.  For 6 years of her life we lived in a one bedroom duplex.  This place was smaller than my current master bedroom/bath and closet put together.  We slept on a sofa bed for 6 years.  I rarely let her go outside because of the neighborhood we lived in.  I mean, our neighbors were gangbangers and THEY watched out for us.  I was always too tired to take her to the park because I worked full time and went to school full time – trying to make a life for her.
This is the result.  She is afraid to try and quick to give up.  I don’t understand.  I am not that way.  I pushed and pushed while I was pregnant with her and after to..……or maybe I really “didn't”.  I just never realized it and it has rubbed off on her.  That makes me sick to my stomach.  It also makes me want to get rid of a lot of stuff in our lives that are not enriching it.  That’s hard to do when you’re married to “The Resistance”. 

I got up to exercise today after sitting on my bed for 45 minutes crying about Aiden and feeling just blah.  I finally got up and decided to exercise.  I invited my daughter to join me.  It was a mess.  I couldn’t even exercise for her whining and complaining.  What they heck is going on???  Did I raise my daughter up to this point to whine and complain.  NO SIR I DIDN’T.  So now I am perplexed on how to get her out of this….funk.  Any ideas???  Anyone?

Fibroids and Pregnancy

From http://www.fibroidsla.com/

There are many sites out on the web claiming you can have a healthy pregnancy with your fibroids; that mjay be true for some or if you're lucky like me, that is not the case at all. 
I was talking to my mother last week and she informed me my sister had been in the hospital due to fibroids.  Hers are worse then mine though - she had to be given 2 pints of blood.  My mother had to have her fibroids removed.  It was the size of a large orange and her uterus was a casualty of that fibroid.  Then my good friend from work just told me recently she had a partial hysterectomy due to her fibroids.  Am I missing something??  Three out of the 5 women I had interactions with had fibroids not including me!

We Cant Keep Meeting Like This - Deja Vu

Well so much has happened once again.  We didn't quite have the name picked out but this time around I was 17 weeks.  I went to the ER last week for stomach pains.  I thought I was really constipated.  Turns out I have a very large fibroid on the outside of my uterus on the right side.  It was causing me tremendous pain.  My first ER visit was very painful.   The ER doctor just didn't care.  He tried to bully me into signing a consent for a CT Scan.  I was very hesitant and he just didn't care.  I eventually did sign the consent which is how the fibroid was discovered.


Uterine Fibroids are quite common in women.  Why they grow I do not know.  They can cause tremendous pain during menstruation as well as causing anemia in women.  I have had them for years.  Most of them small and not really causing any issues.  Not so true this time around.  Last Wednesday at Medical center of Arlington my doctor decided to do an exploratory surgery to see if my fibroid could be removed.  Unfortunately it could not but my appendix was taken out just to be on the safe side.  Hours later my water did break. 


My son, Garrett Aiden Madden  DAUGHTER (update update here) was born December 12, 2010.  She never took a breath.  He She never nursed at my breast.  He She never got to see my face.  He  She never got to say mama or dada.  I never got to show him how much she was loved.  My husband never got to have that fatherly pride most men feel when they have little boys  girls.  She was perfectly formed at 17 weeks.  Lips and nose just like her father. Fingers so long and beautiful.  Even now, I can see her face in my mind....so peaceful.  SHe fought hard to the end.  Kicking and moving around so much while I was in pain.  Her heartbeat was so strong the entire time I was drugged up.


I believed this time around my pregnancy would go the distance.  In some ways it did. I don't believe I was let down at all.  It just was not meant to be.  My God is still good.  I am still here and more determined then ever to get my body into shape for the next time God decides to bless us with another pregnancy. 
Too many times women, especially women who are married don't really think anything of having kids or getting pregnant.  It is just another occurrence that happens in marriage.  God on the other hand has put a lot of thought, planning and tools in place to bring a child into this world.  Why else would it take 10 months time for a baby to form and develop?  So then why not are women more careful with their bodies in preparation to have a baby?  Often we take our bodies for granted and say, well I have never really been sick sick, so I should be OK right?  Wrong.  I have never been sick sick.  Rarely got a cold.  Only developed asthma when I moved to Texas 3 years ago.  I have been overweight for years.  Arguing with myself time and time again that I should lose weight.  Reading blogs by other Big Losers who I said inspired me but really didn't inspire me to act.  I was just wasting time.


Again I have always had fibroids but when I did have insurance, I didn't take the steps necessary to make sure they wouldn't cause me problems.   Until this.  My son Aiden was special - his name means Little Fire.  He may not have a had life outside of my womb but he did remind me of what life was and how a lighting little fire can illuminate your existence.  So I can't sit around anymore making excuses for my health.  I want to have more kids with my husband and I want to be healthy doing it.  I know things do happen with our health that we cannot control.  As for the things we can control, that is where my focus will be.  I'm starting a little fire in Aidens name.  Watch me burn.


This loss will be hard for me to deal with on some days.  Today was easier than yesterday.  I am thankful for the Labor and Delivery staff at the Women's Center at MCA.  I will never forget them because they made sure we would never forget Aiden.  Blessing to them and my doctor who truly cares for me.  God is good and greatly to be praised.  He once again deserves all the Glory in this trial and pain.  This too will pass and Aiden will have the life that She deserved. 


I didn't change the babys name - couldn't bring myself to do it once we found out it was a girl.

Nag Diaries - ObGyn Visit - with a man

And this is what men do at the ObGyn....

That is the examination light........shaking my head.