Nag Diaries 34.6 - You've Earned 3 Minutes of Uninterrupted Face Time

Short of throwing 2 of the 4 pillows on my bed at the back of my sudd-muffins head, I instead just blurted out, "You have earned 3 minutes of uninterrupted face time - with me."  Inside, my eyes were closed tight and I was saying, please do it, please do it baby.

Him: "Three minutes?  Three minutes??"

Me: Yes

Sudd-muffin:  Ok.

He did it.  He put down the controller.  I got my android phone and set my stopwatch app for 3 minutes.  Laid down on the bed we both did.  Face to face we lay and commenced to stare at each other intently.  For 3 minutes.

The laughter bubbled up and out of me at the ridiculousness of this spur of the moment exercise.  We stared.  He made comments about the gray spots I have on my eyes.  I made comments about his nose and his wonderfully cleft chin.  

We were studying each other so intently that I didn't here the stopwatch go off.

I snatched up my phone thinking that stupid app didn't work.  It did.  The minutes passed so quickly that they were over before we knew it.   We went in for another 3 minutes.

This time we were silent.  It was different.  I liked it.  He was actually looking at me.  He was seeing me.

You may think I am crazy and no way this married couple actually did this.  Ha - oh yes the heck we did.  I love my hubby.  I want our marriage to go the distance.  If that means coming up with dumb 3 minute exercises - then so be it.  

That 6 minutes was the longest time he has spent looking at my face since we stood at the alter.

Nag Diaries 34.6 - You've Earned 3 Minutes of Uninterrupted Face Time

Short of throwing 2 of the 4 pillows on my bed at the back of my sudd-muffins head, I instead just blurted out, "You have earned 3 minutes of uninterrupted face time - with me."  Inside, my eyes were closed tight and I was saying, please do it, please do it baby.

Him: "Three minutes?  Three minutes??"

Me: Yes

Sudd-muffin:  Ok.

He did it.  He put down the controller.  I got my android phone and set my stopwatch app for 3 minutes.  Laid down on the bed we both did.  Face to face we lay and commenced to stare at each other intently.  For 3 minutes.

The laughter bubbled up and out of me at the ridiculousness of this spur of the moment exercise.  We stared.  He made comments about the gray spots I have on my eyes.  I made comments about his nose and his wonderfully cleft chin.  

We were studying each other so intently that I didn't here the stopwatch go off.

I snatched up my phone thinking that stupid app didn't work.  It did.  The minutes passed so quickly that they were over before we knew it.   We went in for another 3 minutes.

This time we were silent.  It was different.  I liked it.  He was actually looking at me.  He was seeing me.

You may think I am crazy and no way this married couple actually did this.  Ha - oh yes the heck we did.  I love my hubby.  I want our marriage to go the distance.  If that means coming up with dumb 3 minute exercises - then so be it.  

That 6 minutes was the longest time he has spent looking at my face since we stood at the alter.

Nag Diaries 78.9 - Return of the Ghost Blog Entry

I thought this was gone - but for some reason, it just popped right back up!

I don't like talking about my personal life, too much.  Especially my marriage.  But if there is something that I am going through that someone else may be experiencing, then it may be worth it.

At this stage in my marriage, I am experiencing some MOL tension.  We have moved to Mississippi.  I broke down and agreed.  The MOL is down here to help my sudd-muffins aunt.  That is another story though.  We moved into our apartment - a 3 bedroom and the MOL has laid claim to our extra bedroom.  

Don't get me wrong.  My MOL is WONDERFUL.  GREAT.  She has helped out so much - *cluck.  But sometimes, it's like, my sudd-muffin likes being around her more than me, his wife.  She can ask him to go to the store and he jumps right up, like sure, Mom, when do you want to leave?

Or, Son, can you iron this for me or what do you want for dinner?  

Now if I ask him to go to the store, it is more of a, "God, I don't feel like doing anything right now..."  If he is going to the store, I say, "Can I come with?" -  like a hopeful little, starved puppy - I just want to spend time with him - His response, "No, I just want to go and come back."  But let his mom say, oh, can I come with you?  SURE MOM, lets go!

All of my requests are met with deep manly sighs and exasperated shoulder heaving.  What did I do?  You married me.  We have had two miscarriages.  I have put up with your crap for 5 years.  I have stood by you and your crap for five years.  Sat and watched you waste hours in front of the Xbox and choked back complaints of laziness. 

Is my company that bad?  Am I really that uninteresting to just spend time around.  Or are men just really that selfish?

I see why marriages don't last - LAZINESS.  People don't want to work on the marriage but just have sex.  But even that takes work.  I mean, when I think about it, the sex is the highlight of the marriage - it's never bad.....ever.  Dang.  That's.....weird.  Hmmm....but I don't care about sex.  Well I don't care about it when I am not caring about it.  Get it?  

This is making me crazy.  I know I shouldn't compare what my husband does for his mother but any wife would expect her husband do even the little things.  Is that really too much to ask?  Do I really sign like a whiny, nagging wife right now?

Whatever then.

Nag Diaries 76.9 - MOL/Have Time, Will Travel - NaBloPoMo

So, I guess my first attempt at this post was a little harsh and I got God-smacked.  How can you type for like 15 mins and blogger not auto-save???? 

It just popped right back up!

Original blog post gone.  So irritated right now.  Don't feel like writing.  So here we go.

Marriage.  MOL.  No Wife Attention.  More MOL attention.  Exasperated.  Pissed. Lonely.  MOL need to leave.  She's great but need to leave. Spend time with me. That Xbox get's more action than our bed.  Sucketh. You. Do.  Arggggg. 

WANTED: Girlfriends in the Gulfcoast area.  Age 27 and up. Gossip and trash talk included.  Must pray, you know for all the trash talking - we have to repent.  Must be married or have been married.  Single women wont help me.  They will just make me envy them.  Must love food, movies, travel.  I want to travel. Let's travel.  I may run away.

Note: MOL= Mother-in-Law

Nag Diaries 78.2 - Marriage Strudel

I am a manipulator.  You have to be when you get married.  Manipulation is not all bad.  There is good manipulation, selfish manipulation, sexual manipulation, financial manipulation - all kinds.  I am a master manipulator.  I thought I was rather good at it until I met my husband.  No, I am not talking about the bad manipulation to get people to do what you want but the little wife tricks to draw the husband in - the harmless manipulation.


He is the king of manipulation reversal.    He doesn't care if we spend time together.  He doesn't care if I happen to appreciate how another man looks.  He doesn't care if I leave for hours without a call.  Doesn't really matter.  Nothing really matters except Wrestling, MMA and Xbox - the 3 Kings.  He also doesn't hang around Jealousy avenue.  I take that back. 


He got jealous.  Once.  He met the man I was dating right before we met.  Shawn.  Shawn had big muscles and was well groomed.  Shawn was a cutie pie.  The sudd-muffin didn't like Shawn.  Oh boy he was soooo jealous.  It was exciting.


I believe he likes when I leave in one of my fits of anger.  He has free time to do what he wants without me, the wife, asking for his attention.  It's a win-win situation for him.  If I say I am going out, there is no response.  I can almost hear the wheels turning in his head, calculating how much lazy time he will have to play video games and just bum it.  Ha!  And I thought I was really getting his goat.  Wrong.  He got mine and milked that sucker dry.


So day after day, I send the signals and put out the layers of my marriage strudel, hoping he will bite.  Layers stretched so thin you can almost see through em'.  


He hates pie and tarts anyway so what was I expecting.  He told me about a week ago he wasn't happy but he didn't want to be here, in Mississippi, without me.  


I think he is lying.  He has everything he needs here.  His family, old friends, old territory, old memories.  I don't really add anything to the mix.  It's like once I finally agreed to move to Mississippi, all the promises and expectations stayed in Texas - along with my $1k camera.  


It was all just talk.  


My strudel is stuffed.  I cook for him.  He says, hey thanks.  I fill my marriage with understanding.  I stuff it with tiny steps of patience.  


I ignore being ignored or being passed over for the Xbox.  I even ask if I can play too.  Nothing ever comes of that.  I pray.  Not for him but one of those, Lord change me prayers. Help me to understand that yes, I am being a bitch - excuse me, Lord forgive me.  


Help me to understand that no, my husband has no idea what the word cherish means unless we are talking about his Star Wars memorabilia.  Help me to understand me.  


I have gotten over the sexy women on TV.  I don't care how they look or if he is looking.  Doesn't really matter to me anymore.  I don't even care if he is looking at porn on the internet anymore.  He can deal with that devil.  I could give a pigs trough what I look like either.  It's not like he actually sees me anyway.  Not really.  I am invisible.  Everything is invisible.


My marriage strudel still sits here.  Untouched.  Festering.  Rotting.  Waiting for me to toss it out for the day and start anew tomorrow.


I should go shopping.

Nag Diaries - Top 10 Things I Learned While Packing

1. That old box of books sitting in the garage has been food for the moths.
2. KEEP YOUR ALLEN WRENCHES!
3. Dont have a quickie in your now empty but staple, tack and screw laced bedroom floor.
4. Lock the door if you do so.
5. Dont pack all of your clothes if you are not sure of what day you will actually leave.
6. Same goes for clean underwear.
7. Don't let your husband pack.  That box with no label and taped up neatly is full of trash.
8. Your 10 year old REALLY doesn't need ALL of those stuffed animal toys.
9. Husbands who are not caprentry inclined should stay AWAY from taking furniture apart.
10. If all else fails and you have too much crap to put on your truck, craiglist it.

Nag Diaries - Selfishness

Selfishness and Ways Husbands Diffuse Angry Wives


annnnnnnnd  ACTION*


Wife thinks, yay, leftovers!!!  Stomps to fridge after long day of work, looks for said leftovers - Orange Chicken to be exact - shuffles numerous bowls around in fridge......NO LEFTOVERS - The sudd muffin struck again.
cut to M.T.A next (marriage texting argument)


Me:  Did you eat ALL the orange chicken??


Sudd-Muffin:  There wasn't very much left.  Hey you know you cute right?
Me: **anger fizzles like a wet firecracker**  You had me at cute. blows Android Kiss via text


Slowly drifts away in lal-la land and pours a bowl of cereal instead.

Nag Diaries - Selfishness

Selfishness and Ways Husbands Diffuse Angry Wives


annnnnnnnd  ACTION*


Wife thinks, yay, leftovers!!!  Stomps to fridge after long day of work, looks for said leftovers - Orange Chicken to be exact - shuffles numerous bowls around in fridge......NO LEFTOVERS - The sudd muffin struck again.
cut to M.T.A next (marriage texting argument)


Me:  Did you eat ALL the orange chicken??


Sudd-Muffin:  There wasn't very much left.  Hey you know you cute right?
Me: **anger fizzles like a wet firecracker**  You had me at cute. blows Android Kiss via text


Slowly drifts away in lal-la land and pours a bowl of cereal instead.

Nag Diaries - MARS - Marriage Answers Really Suck

In my first installment of MARS I will be talking about "Selfishness" and Ways Men Diffuse an Angry Wife


annnnnnnnd  ACTION*


Wife thinks, yay, leftovers!!!  Stomps to fridge after long day of work, looks for said leftovers - Orange Chicken to be exact - shuffles numerous bowls around in fridge......NO LEFTOVERS - The sudd muffin struck again.
cut to M.T.A next (marriage texting argument)


Me:  Did you eat ALL the orange chicken??


Sudd-Muffin:  There wasn't very much left.  Hey you know you cute right?
Me: **anger fizzles like a wet firecracker**  You had me at cute. blows Android Kiss via text


Slowly drifts away in lal-la land and pours a bowl of cereal instead.

Nag Diaries 45.6 - Closet knighting and Kitchen bathrooms - My Top 6

1. Toilet seat down but no toilet paper cause it's STILL sitting in the hallway where he left it.
2. Dishes in the dishrack (because, yay, he washed them) but more dishes in BOTH sides of the sink because he used those before he left and I (wifey) am the unpaid maid.
3. Those sheets don't smell like butt crack and armpits for nothing.  I WASH THEM.
4. Two corners of our room have been knighted as a closet.  Shoes, socks & clothes trail the room leading to the "closets".  I clean the closets out 4 times a week.
5. I bought laundry baskets so I wouldn't have to clean out the closets 4 times a week. They are empty. And dusty.

6. Our master bathroom has an alter ego by the name of "kitchen".  The dishes that were left in both sides of the sink, that the maid washes, came from the kitchen in the master bathroom.

Nag Diaries - HO HUM....SAME OLE...TATTERED DRUM

And the beat goes on.  I found another one last night.  Another remnant of one humans weakness.  It lodged in the back of my throat and slowly made it's trek down, slashing jagged holes in my esophagus as it went - allowing all the air to escape from my lungs.  I couldn't breath. Again.

God I am so embarrassed to even talk about this. 
I want to talk about it but then I would be exposing the darkest, saddest place of my marriage to people I know and don't know.  I have to believe I am not the only one.  In fact, I KNOW I am not the only one.  But dang.  Shoot!  Crap.  The forks are still missing by the way. 

I don't think I can do it. 

What I can say is, I hate it.  The knowing.  The feeling that I am may be reliving 2009 and my Waiting to Exhale - Angela Bassett moment.  God - it hurts.  I don't know what it is with him.  I think I am an AWESOME wife.  I bust my butt.  I support 100%.  I am the most understanding woman you wanna get into an argument with.......oh God - their back.

Low Self Esteem and Self-pity just barged right on in through that open door.  Ok, this is me shooing them right back out or did they not get the memo?

I am home by myself today.  I worked for a while.  I washed my hair and slicked it back into a puff ball pony.  I'm still going bald but not willing to shear everything off again.  I feel good though without my hat.  Now I sit here about to shove some pizza down the pie hole and.....do what?  yeah.  I thought so.

NAG DIARIES - ****NEWS FLASH*****

I had to sit down on my break and blog.  Oh my goodness. I cant breathe.  Wait....hold....on.....there it is.  Breath.  My sudd-muffin.  My suff-muffin.  He died.  I cannot believe it.  My prayers have been answered.  He died to the old Garrett and was reborn the New Sudd Muffin.

***Dream sequences goes here***

Nag Diaries 31.2 - Where are the forks?

Today has been to say the least AWFUL.  I'm so......angry and I cant for the life of me figure out why.  It's like the harder I fight for my marriage the angrier I get at my sudd-muffin.  I feel devalued and like a pathetic heaping pile of emotions.  Oversensitive is what Joyce Meyer would say.

My acid reflux is REALLY kickin my butt, SOMEONE is EATING all the silverware because our drawer is almost bare, my stupid hospital stay threw off my Ph balance and now my netherparts are out of wack and under a "supervisory warning" not to mention the fact that the sudd-muffin is throwing me hints about his needs.  WHAT???  Can you find the freaking silverware????  I really need a prozac right now and coming from me that is saying  A LOT!

Oh my goodness - where is the freaking silverware??

In the middle of writing this, I keep searching the internet for marriage advice, blogs, tips, other peoples problems, quick fixes, images – SOMETHING!

I ran across Ms. Jasmines post on Eat, Move, Write in regards to finding out things about your spouse that you never knew, how it tore you up and about being an honest blogger. 
Well that's what I took from it anyway.  She has a series called This Is What It Looks Like - which sums up the entire idea for the name of my blog. 

This is what it looks like – picture frame marriage:


But this is what it is in actuality:
So Im going to KIR and Keep it Real – this marriage sucks right now.  Yes I’m nagging (admission is the first step).  I mean would it kill my sudd-muffin to NOT have a “you're bothering me” attitude with EVERYTHING.  It’s getting to the point where I don’t want to ask him for anything.  I don’t get it.  Is it me?  Is it too much to ask for someone to do something for you with a “willing” attitude and a smile?  His response to that is, I don’t feel like doin it but I’ll do it anyway and he actually tells me that? What the fork???  I mean, because when you don’t want to help out or do something and it shows, then I would rather do it my damn self and keep it movin’.  Is it me? 

For the love of kitchens everywhere:  Forks? Spoons?  Where are they. 
Uggghhhhhhhhh!

I am working at home but having problems actually "starting" to work at home.  I don’t have a head set so I am on the phone taking unemployment statements with the HANDSET cradled between my shoulder and ear.  Shoulder hurt. Bad. 

But I need to work because I need the time and money.  So, shoulder shut-up; money – give it.  AND I need a new desk because the desk my friend so lovingly let me use is too small.  You’d think the 5 days I was in the hospital the sudd-muffin would have said:  “Oh gee, NayLahs in the hospital, let me find her a desk since I have known she would be working at home since FEBRUARY to help her out seeing as she has been sick and probably wont heal too quickly.” 

Of course all these are musings, nags, rants & Wishes of a “you got me forked up”  wife.

For. The. Love. of God.

Nag Diaries - PMS Day 2

The dishes were still there.  Uggggggghhhhhhh!!  Not only were they still there - they were piled up in the sink.  Que-eva.  Now on to the rest of my day and the food portion of my powdered mustard seed plan (I said I would cook more).


I made breakfast for everyone - including the sudd-muffin.  Didnt say nothing about the dishes and just did them myself.  So much easier.  I even made the sudd-muffins lunch and I was actually happy about it.  Maybe we have been having so many issues being married because I wasnt participating in the marriage.  Doing these things actually made me feel good about being "wifely"  - go figure. 

Lunch!
I made lunch for the baby girl. I had a couple of scientists really interested in the contents of my refrigerator - particularly interested in some cherry tomatoes, cucumber and a mango.  I had to get rid of them so, SALAD it was along with breaded chicken patty sandwiches and orange slices.

Ingredients
1 old cucumber
Some old cherry tomatoes (pick out the bad ones)
1 mango (or any fruit you have on hand, preferably something like pineapple)
Cut up the veggies in small pieces and toss them in a bowl.

Eyeball the following ingredients

salt

pepper

lemon juice

sugar

balsamic vinegar

olive oil

Whisk together all the ingredients, taste, add more sugar and pour over veggies/mango and toss.  Voila!  I had a pretty picture of the actual food that was plated but........as I went to put some ketchup on my sandwich, it squirted out all over my sandwich, salad and orange slices......so.  Yeah. That's all I got there.

Moving on to my health portion - I was tired.  Really tired but I made myself get up and take my daughter for a walk down our little neighborhood path to the man-made lake.  We brought old sourdough bread for the duckies (I really must clean out my fridge and pantry more often).  It was a gorgeous day today and there were a lot of kids out.  It's funny how a little old bread can bring both kid and ducks flocking.

For dinner I cooked baked tilapia with garlic butter sauce, rice pilaf and broccoli. 

 Annnnnddddd - CAKE!!!

 
Me and the sudd-muffin spoke.  He grabbed me real quick for a kiss and a hug.....didn't know what to think of that so I just went with it.  I think my plan may be working....so thank you lord for Day 2 of the rest of my life. 

Nag Diaries 10.3 - Nags from the ER/Hospital Visit.

Being in the hospital is not a pretty sight. I don't wear a lot of makeup so the only thing in my purse was some cherry chapstick - yikes! Work with ya got. Cherry chapstick does provide SOME color.

Although one of my 5 things to do before you go to the ER was to bring a hat or a wig, I brought a sleek wig with me (which works for me because I'm going bald). It was the only one I had that didn't look like the bushes in my front yard.

Unfortunately, wigs if I wear them too long give me a headache and with the many visitors & voyeurs alike, the buckwheat look wasn't my first choice -even if he is a distant cousin.

So I sent the sudd-muffin to buy me a scarf from the gift shop. He brought back a beautiful purple and black rectangle scarf. I tied that baby around my head so quick and Voilà, instant headdress.

Now for my clothing. Can't really do much with my hospital gown but they have one thing going for them: snap buttons down each sleeve. I unsnapped the button closest to my neck and bingo bango - an off the shoulder look!

I'm working it right?  Well that's all I could do with what I had - tell me what ya think!  Is this utterly PA-THE-TIC????  SMH...

Nag Diary 10.0 - Nags from the ER/Hospital Visit. Pre-Visit

5 things to do before/during your ER visit:

1. If you don't have time to shower change your drawers!
2. Wear a clean bra. More thank likely you'll be takin it off but if you can't go braless like me, bundle Mona  & Lisa up! (Yes mine have names...)
3. Fix your hair or throw on a wig or a hat.
4. Ask for FEMALE nurses - they understand. Don't ask.
5. When the cute tech comes to stick the EKG sensors on you, lift up your own boobs.

Nag Diaries 15.3 - Click, Click….

Picture This

Give it a guess – I dare ya!

Animal Farm

7 Pieces of Joy

Throw Back Toys (saw this at Target this past Christmas)

Nag Diary Hiatus

I need time to think about my life, my health, my heart, my marriage and how they all tie into my blog.....if anyone has any recommendations for folks who can revamp my blog let me know.  I dont have a lot of money but this is pseudo important to me.

Thanks

Nag Diary Hiatus

I need time to think about my life, my health, my heart, my marriage and how they all tie into my blog.....if anyone has any recommendations for folks who can revamp my blog let me know.  I dont have a lot of money but this is pseudo important to me.


Thanks

Nag Diary 11.2

Nothing really special to blog about today.  Still in recovery.  Still sore.  Still semi-lost with what I want to do with the rest of my life.  Sometimes I feel like I'm going in circles. 

Time Warner Cable showed up at my house, unannounced - courtesy of my job.  Moving one step closer to working at home.  I have a desk in my office but I want a bigger desk so I have been perusing craigslist.com for desk.  I think I found one but this person keeps giving me the runaround so may have to start looking again.



From  http://www.nesfoundation.com/

 My baby girl is growing so fast! We need more time in the day.  I really wish they had a kids kickball league in this area.  I would love to get her involved in kickball.  I loved kickball growing up and it seems these days, kids cant do anything at school anymore or it gets hocked up to bullying, meanness or reducing kids down to mediocrity.  That's evident in school field day events where EVERYONE gets a ribbon. 

What a crock of hooey! 

Where is the competitive edge?  Everything has gone down the drain because the kids that were picked last in elementary school have grown up to become psychologists and relate to everyone that these games/events are no good for our children.  So now we have a generation of whining, mediocre, underachievers who always win something.  Maybe I'm being too harsh but I always believed if you have a Gym Teacher who doesn't allow these things to happen in class, it eliminates the problems. 

I remember going to school with a boy named Peter who was the best football athlete in 5 grade.  He was cool.  He always picked the people who sucked because he actually cared about folks being picked last.  At least that is what I decided what the reason was.  Where do you think he learned this from?  His gym teacher? NO.  His parents? Just maybe. 

If we want our kids to grow then we have to show them HOW to show compassion and how to root for the underdog so to speak; then being picked last will have no power.  I have always cheered for the underdog.  I have always smiled at the new kid, sat by them, invited them to sit with me because I was the underdog.  I was the new kid.  I was picked on for being black, for being smart, for having a big nose and lips.  It never ended.  But what I am thankful for is a grandmother who didn't allow those things to affect my outlook on people.  So I tell my daughter all the time, don't let your classmates pick on you or anyone else, YOU be the catalyst for change if that is happening, YOU be the one that makes someone feel better about themselves and don't worry if you are not rewarded for it. 

As for the folks that pick on her, that is another story for another day.