You Can Get Out of Bed

This week has been hard.  Only God knows the struggles I have each day within my marriage and in my family.  And everyday is a struggle just to do the right thing.  My husband said something to me yesterday that broke me down on the inside.

Parents really don't know what they do to their children.  They can crush them deep on the inside.  This is something my husband struggles with.  I hate it.  It affects everything from being a father, brother, son and husband.

It also makes me question my faith.  I keep feeling this deep, bottomless, hopeless feeling where I cannot understand why in the world are we here.

Is this it?

Why is it that some people are able to persevere and pull something from deep within to achieve the desires of their hearts and others struggle just to get out of bed? Or some people who totally don't deserve half of their success are able to enjoy their lives with not a care in the world and no regard for God at all.

Is it a curse?

I know God is real.  He has to be.  Because I could not possibly go through this much crap for nothing.

I see my life changing, my husbands too - the vision is there.  But this journey is kicking my fat behind.

Sorry for the whomp whomp feeling.

I wonder just how many wives out there seriously deal with having to build up other people with no one there to build them up?  Why did God task us with the emotional part of being human.

I lay in my bed last night saying to myself maybe it would just be easier if I died.  That longing for the pain and drained feeling just wont go away.

*sigh*

Tomorrows another day though.  So there is still time.  

And Life.